I'm the Samaritan woman
So, the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well… that woman’s totally me. I’m there not at the usual hour everyone else goes because I prefer to wait so I can stay away from judgement and the shame I feel. It’s my way to avoid.
Jesus encounters me asking me for a drink. With attitude I reply, “Get your own water.” I reject his request. This attitude continues for a while until he tells me of water that will make it so I won’t ever be thirsty again. Somehow this opens a crack in me. This I’m interested in so I don’t have to walk to the well again in the heat.
He says, “Indeed, the water I give will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” This is the longing I’ve had for so long but had no idea how to truly access it. I would go to prayer meetings, read the Bible, consult leaders and counselors, have a consistent prayer time, regularly attend church, etc… but still would get thirsty.
He then tells me about all the husbands I’ve had.
Husbands can be anything we are tied to.
My husbands have been suffering, stress, anxiety, control, self-hatred, fear of future traumas and more.
I’ve been married to these awful things because in someway they still provide my brain with a chemical rush of excitement and energy - aka adrenaline. It’s addictive. It’s the living-in-the-past-or-future-thing that serves me no more.
"The man who told me who I am"
In that moment, as He tells me who I am (usually without words), we look into each other’s eyes. I see Truth, and the fountain wells up inside of me. I then go and proclaim, “Come see the man who told me who I am.”
In that moment, I realize the thirst can only be quenched in the present moment. In each moment, I need to look into his eyes to see Truth and let the Holy Spirit well up in me.
I become the well.
I enter the inner room of my spirit, where I can be refreshed by his Spirit. This requires the stripping of self, what I thought I knew, and a great deal of silence. This eternal fountain flows in all of us, but we must learn to sit in the silence to receive the quenching of our thirst.
So when I sit in silence letting the Spirit connect with me, I experience Truth. In this Truth, I see WHO I AM and when I see my true SELF, the fountain starts overflowing and becomes a place I return to every day, throughout the day, to encounter the Source of everything. The more I encounter, the more my ego dies and my true Self is appearing.
The more my Self appears, the more I can give, receive and be replenished. As I am learning this, I desire the silence and the God who abides in it. In return, the whole of the earth sings back to me reflecting such intimacy. I am grateful and so humbled.
What am I married to? What has pulled me into a place of shame that Jesus is calling me out on? How can I make time for silence and meditation so that I can look upon Jesus and feel the Spirit well up in me? How do I become the well?
. . .
Jesus, you speak truth. Sometimes when you speak, it’s disarming. You call us out and remind us of who we are. I pray that when you speak, Lord, we are ready to hear you and hear truth. Help me to know that the Spirit is within me, welling up and filling this space. You are all I need and I am your forever temple. Amen.